So I wake up this morning to go to work, and there's a 2 foot wide ditch at the end of my driveway. It turns out they are doing some kind of work on the street in front of my house, putting in a sidewalk or god knows what stupid shit. So anyway, I go out there and there's this 2 foot wide ditch thats about 1.5 feet deep, right at the end of my driveway. I don't exactly leave a big window between when I leave the house and when I'm supposed to be at work, so I'm definately going to be late now. So I go out there, and I ask for the foreman. This crazy old man, probably in his late 50's early 60's comes over to me. He looks at me and says:
"What do you need?"
"Well, I need to get out of my driveway."
"Oh. Well I knocked on your door 2 or 3 times this morning."
"That's great."
"Well, you didn't answer."
"That's great."
"So what do you want me to do?"
"I don't care what you do, but I need to get out of my driveway."
"I told you I knocked on your door and you didn't answer."
"And I told you that's great. I still need to get out of my driveway though."
"Look pal, you can't just walk out here and expect us to drop what we're doing to let you out of your driveway."
"Listen, buddy, I don't give a shit if you were standing outside my house with a fucking bullhorn screaming my name. I need to get out of my driveway and get to work. See unlike you, I don't work for the government, so they will actually fire me if I don't show up. Now I don't care what the hell you gotta do, but I gotta get out of my driveway."
"Well, you're going to have to wait."
"No. I'm not going to have to wait. You're going to have to stop whatever the hell you're doing here, and let me out of the driveway."
"Listen buddy, we're in the middle of something here. You're going to have to wait. I knocked on your door and you didn't answer, that's not my fault."
He's yelling at this point. I'm not amused.
"Hey jerkoff, like I said, that's fucking great that you knocked on my door this morning. What about yesterday!?! What about last god damn night before you left? What about last fucking week? Are you trying to tell me that you didn't know before you got here this morning that you were gonna be digging a god damn ditch in front of my house? How the hell did you get the backhoe here if you didn't know what you were gonna be doing?"
"I told you, you're going to have to WAIT."
He poked me in the chest as he said wait.
"Listen you stupid bastard, if you touch me again, i'll split your fuckin wig. Now you do whatever it is you gotta do, but you better figure out a way to get my car out of my driveway, or we're gonna have a serious problem here."
The guy is bright red at this point. He looks like he's about to knock me in the head. But at this point, another guy walks over wearing a shirt and tie.
"What's the problem here?"
"I need to get out of my driveway."
"Okay, Tony get the backhoe over here and fill in the hole."
"I knocked on his door this morning, and he didn't answer."
"I don't care. Get the backhoe over here and fill in the hole."
"But-"
"I don't care. Get the backhoe over here and fill in the hole.(looks at me)
Sorry for the inconvenience, we'll have you out of here in a few minutes."
"Thank you sir."
Tony gave me the death stare the entire time as I walked to my car. I really can't believe they didn't leave a note, or call my house, or do something before that morning to tell me that they were gonna be doing that shit. I'm not an unreasonable person; if I would've known ahead of time, I would've parked around the block or something. But you're gonna knock on my door at 7 am to tell me that I need to move my car? Go fuck yourself. It's a good thing that guy was there though, or else I would have a black eye and Tony would have a 7 iron wrapped around his dome. Rediculous.
hahaha..dude, once again I suspect you have been PUNK'D. Your father is probably somewhere right now high fiving Ashton Kutcher, and laughing hysterically.
dad: "did you see how Tony really pushed his bottons...i swear Johnnie's head looked like it was gonna hop right off"
ashton: " yeah but how did you know he fall for the...we knocked on your door.. routine"
dad: "that was easy. it's always nickel beers down at the Dublin Pub on wednesday nights and he's 100% irish. we're lucky he even saw the hole in the driveway."
Posted by: jim at August 28, 2003 10:59 AMyou fucking New Yorkers are hilarious. You really kill me. I can imagine that shit going down. Hilarious.
Out here in Sunny Cali a person in your position just would have called the cops or the home owner's association to get them out of here. Lawsuits.... :-p
Posted by: glenn at August 28, 2003 11:08 AMSo, where the fuck have you been, asshole?
Posted by: Bill at August 28, 2003 11:13 AMI've been working. Its a new thing for me, getting stuff done and all.
He's been getting his car out of his driveway! BTW, it's not generally a wise decision to piss off a guy that has control over a piece of equipment that can "accidentally" pick your car up and use it to fill in the ditch later. Especially when the cost of that "accident" will not be paid by him, but by city/county funds, aka your taxes.
Posted by: a different Bill at August 28, 2003 12:05 PMThat wouldn't have happened here in Texas -- the finger poking part. There are too many people (like me) who carry guns all the time. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense here, after all.
We'll yell and yell and yell, but you don't touch a stranger.
Posted by: Phelps at August 28, 2003 12:15 PMi'll bet you a donut somethings gonna happen to your house on the last day of their job.
That's why i never argue with the voice behind the speaker at a fast food drive thru, no matter how idiotic they are. They have too much power.
Posted by: annie at August 28, 2003 12:48 PM"Hey, wonder what this underground cable is for? Well, didn't shock me when I cut it with the shovel, guess it wasn't being used. If it was, it won't be any more."
"Oh look! How nice, a sprinkler system."
Yo Bob! Make sure you run over that water line on the HOUSE side of the meter, ok? Then Jim at the Water Dept. can have the fun of telling Mr. I Can't Be Bothered To Answer The Door that it's his responsibility."
"Hello Frank? Yeah, you still looking for a place to dump that toxic waste?"
Yeah, I can't wait to heqar what you find when you get home.
Posted by: a different Bill at August 28, 2003 03:37 PM
Okay, so let's make more work by filling the ditch so that we can then un-fill it again. 30 seconds later they could've put down a couple of heavy steel plates.
architect
Posted by: architect at April 19, 2005 03:00 PMplumbers
Posted by: plumbers at May 5, 2005 06:38 PM