July 28, 2003

The Ugly Truth About Bill

Bill Cimino met a sailor at TGI Fridays last week. The sailor never did call him back, but did leave him with a little thing called herpes, which he then gave to the dog.

Bill was once arraigned to Nevada, where he was wanted for having sex with horses. He was arrested by officer Meoff, Jack, who found him raping chickens in a henhouse in Wisconsin.

Bill once set up his friend with a blind date, a woman he described as looking like Janet Jackson. Unfortunately, she got out the car lookin like Freddy Jackson, who is Bill's biological father.

One time at band camp, Bill shoved a Tuba up his own ass. He liked it so much, he began sitting on flashlights as a hobby.

A homeless man once convinced Bill that he could gain the superpowers of aquaman if he ate enough sea men. When Bill enquired where he could gain some sea men of high quality, the homeless man told him that all he had to do was close his eyes and suck it out of a hose. He promptly agreed.

I didn't want to tell them Bill, but I felt I owed it to them.

(two points each for the first person to correctly identify the quotes. Except the band camp one, which is just too easy.)

Posted by John at July 28, 2003 03:33 PM

Sea men from a hose eh? Cartman of South Park fame has competition!

Posted by: Ted Phipps at July 28, 2003 08:53 PM

2 points for ted! plenty more just sittin there though...

Posted by: Collins at July 28, 2003 09:59 PM

The chicken violation thing is from South Park, too. (Move along, nothing to see here...)

Posted by: Susie at July 29, 2003 01:40 AM

Good try Susie, but that's a direct quote from a movie, and it isn't the south park movie. Sorry.

Posted by: Collins at July 29, 2003 09:52 AM

So when do my 2 lousy points get me up on the 'leader board', eh?

Posted by: Ted Phipps at July 29, 2003 02:43 PM

the Janet Jackson one getting out of the car looking like Freddy Jackson is FRIDAY!

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