July 29, 2003

The Legend of the Cimino Dragon

Back in the days of the second world war, there was a particularly nasty japanese spy, who was known as the Kimono dragon. This man was one of the most detrimental individuals to the American war campaign and the perception of Japanese Americans alike. The Kimono dragon was known for cooking his neighbors cats and dogs, and then inviting those neighbors over for a meal. He would feed them their own pets, and then after the meal, he would show them pictures of himself killing the animals and preparing them for dinner. He would then have a hearty laugh, and dip his testicles in hot wax.
He would later be known as the Cimino dragon, who went by the street name of Bill. In addition to eating pets, he was also a communist sympathizer. He organized marches and resistance movements, and stole secrets from the government for his native home of Japan. He was the sole party responsible for framing the Rosenbergs, or so the legend goes. It is also said that he was later the second gunman on the grassy knoll. This theory came about when they discovered the fried remains of Lee Harvey Oswald's kitten near the scene, half eaten, covered in candle wax.
The Cimino dragon was forced into early retirement because of a severe case of gout, although some believe he still works as a communist spy to this day. He is well over 80 years old, and is believed to live somewhere in the redneck hills of Virginia, where inbreeding abounds. Be wary if you come into contact with this man, as he is posing as a regular citizen, although he is easily identified by his decrepid age and, of course, his gout. Gout was eliminated years ago, when men discovered how to rid gout causing goblins from their bloodstream. The Cimino dragon was never cured, because of his fondness for all things evil, he actually enjoyed hosting the goblins. So if you see a decrepid old man complaining about his gout, you have found the dreaded Cimino dragon, who may be living under the alias, Bill Cimino.

Posted by John at July 29, 2003 12:05 PM

Hmmmm, does he also invite people to ask him questions under the guise of offering answers but with the real purpose of gathering intelligence on what is interesting to the average American?

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Posted by: george at October 27, 2005 06:33 AM
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