July 31, 2003

So Many Enemies

I have so many god damn enemies around here its astounding. It started with Bill, so I guess he gets to be the arch-nemesis. And like all good arch-nemesises, Bill and I became enemies because of a woman. Which is just further proof that women are evil, not that we needed proof.

Then along came Ted. Ted is my enemy because I sexually harass his daughter as often as possible. Well that's what I thought, but apparently Ted was unaware that he is my mortal enemy. Well you are Ted, you are.
And now Mookie has become my enemy, I guess to avenge her dad or something. So now I got an arch-nemesis and a blood feud. That's alot of murderous rage right there.

But not enough apparently, because Tim had to throw his two cents in. Tim is from Michigan, which we all know is in Canada, and so we can conclude that Tim is a frenchman, and therefore no threat to anyone. But just like his frog ancestry, Tim has found someone who is not as cowardly and effimate as he to fight his battles for him.

That brings us to my newest enemy, Kin. Although clever, it's obvious that Kin is a big loser, since he lives on a kouch in his parents' basement. He is also taking the side of a frenchman and a coward

So now I have 5 enemies who I must humiliate and destroy. And I think I got a troll named Bart who does unnatural things to insects and farm animals, but with that kind of M.O. we have to be suspicious that it's just Bill again.

So now I have to come up with some needlessly complicated plot which will capture all 5 of these people and leave them suspended over a giant wood chipper, or molten lava tub or something. Then I have to come up with a plan to take over and/or destroy the world, so I can reveal that plan to the afforementioned enemies as part of said needlessly complicated plot, and then walk away moments before their death without leaving anyone to make sure of their demise. Blogging is hard fucking work I tell ya.

Posted by John at July 31, 2003 01:10 PM | TrackBack

We still love you though.

Posted by: Rachael at July 31, 2003 01:30 PM

Speak for yourself! I have on good authority that John is the center of all evil in the Universe. He is an apprentice puppy blender even. He will learn to fear the gang of five. Even if one of us is a Frenchman and a coward. We'll turn on him after we've taken care of business. Wait. I wasn't supposed to say that was I?

Posted by: Kin at July 31, 2003 03:44 PM

Well, at least I don't need to where a catchers mask to play right field.

Posted by: Bart at July 31, 2003 04:00 PM

Wear do you play when you where the mask? Good try, though, maybe next time.

Posted by: Collins at July 31, 2003 05:14 PM

Je ne suis pas un Fra... er, I mean I'm not a Frenchman! That's absolutely beyond the pale! You've got a lot of nerve you simplism...er, simple-minded Long Islander!

Besides, you just don't like Frenchmen because you were beat up by one. Did you hear that everyone, John got whipped by a Frenchie! He ran home to mommy like the lower-than-a-surrender-monkey that he is!

Posted by: Tim the Michigander at July 31, 2003 08:23 PM

Though now that you mention it, I did forget to put on deodourant this morning....

Posted by: Tim the Michigander at July 31, 2003 08:27 PM

I, for one, am keeping an eye on frenchie. He claims to be our ally, but I think he's going to run to Tiger the lawyer and try to start some sort of 'Interbloganational Court of Opinion Control' or something and want us all to bow to its authority. Maybe we should recruit a German from Wisconsin, just to keep him in line...

On a completely unrelated note, I was bitten by a liberal or a zombie (not sure which) on the way home from work today, and I feel... kinda... unusual.

Group hug anyone? Can't we all just get along?

KUM-BA-YAH M'LORD, (all together now!)

Posted by: Ted at July 31, 2003 09:06 PM

Many knowledges I have found here I would come back http://baseball-gloves.searchhh.com

Posted by: glove liners at March 18, 2005 05:44 PM
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