Collinization

The Weekend

So the power went out last thursday at 4:15. I got the rest of the afternoon off from work, which luckily for me is 10 minutes from my house and all highway driving. So an hour later I get home(that's how it works around here) and I do what every red blooded American with no electricity should do on a thursday afternoon - I went to my friend's house and got fucking tanked. We played wiffle ball for a while, but after a few drinks that ball starts to move a whole lot more than you remember. So we sat in front of his house and drank until dark, and then the sober kid drove us home.

The next morning I wake up, still no juice, and call work. It's busy. No power, so the phone system is down. I decided right there that fuck them i'm staying home and leaving for saratoga early. So I call my friend who is going up with me. Apparently, he has power already. Half my town had power at 7 am, i didn't get power till 3:30 p.m.. So he had to work, and we were going to leave at 2. Of course over the next half hour, I get several phonecalls from afforementioned friend: "You hear that hot water running in the backround? That sure is nice."
" I just thought you wanted to know what t.v. sounds like, since yours isn't working."

That bastard. But anyway, I took a freezing cold shower and we took off at 2 pm. A total of 6 of us went up there, with 10 cases of beer for the weekend. We needed more beer by sunday afternoon. Anyway, we went up there, built a fire on friday, and got sloshed. Saturday we hit the track, which was fun, except that I didn't know going in that nobody who was with me had ever played the horses before. So I had to give a gambling 101 class, which really cut into my handicapping time. I only cashed 1 30 dollar exacta all day. I missed a 500 dollar triple because I wanted to save 4 bux and didn't box it, and my horses ran 2 1 3. Stupid bastard that I am. The race after that, I had another triple come in 1 2 4. But that third horse, named No Comprende, went off at 65-1. Another 10 feet and he would've run third, I woulda had the triple like 4 times over, and probably would've walked out of the track about 10 grand richer. So it goes.
We went back to my place, built another fire and got tanked again. Problem was we were out of wood. Now, my friends are all pansy ass Long Island boys, they aren't used to anything remotely resembling rural areas. They are also collectively the laziest people ever. To avoid going in the forest to look for wood, they decided that there was a bear in there that would eat them. To avoid going to the lake to get water to put the fire out with, they decided there was a shark, in the lake. To avoid carrying the boat down to the lake to go fishing, they decided a rattlesnake lived under the boat. And for no reason whatsoever, they decided a Kimono dragon lived in the shed next to where we had the fire.
The solution to their laziness? Action Mike. Mike was a kid who lived up there all year round that my sister knew. He was a really cool guy, but unlike the rest of us, actually did stuff instead of just sitting on his fat ass. So he comes down and sees we need wood, he runs into the woods, in the pitch black, and drags out some wood. He got a leech on his foot while he was in there, and he casually picked it off and threw it into the fire. Now I've seen leeches before, and this was a tiny one, but it threw my friends for a fucking loop, let me just tell you. The next day, one of them said that Mike was really intense. And so began the legend of action mike.

After a long day of drinking and sitting around, we built another fire, so as to sit around and drink more, but this time in the dark. After a few beers, Mike came up again. It was decided that there was no longer a bear living in the woods; where did the bear go? Well, Action Mike killed him with his bare hands, ripped out his still beating heart and ate it raw. That's just the kind of guy Mike was. But don't worry, they still couldn't go into the woods because now a lion lived there. Don't ask, we were very drunk. Action Mike actually came by a little later, and walked around on his hands for no apparent reason for a while. He also drove across my neighbor's lawn for no reason whatsoever. It was really intense. So I went to the track for 1 day the whole weekend, came really close to winning a ton of money, and drank 14 cases of beer with 5 of my friends. All in all, I'd say it was a good time. But wherever lazy pussies are in need of wood, have no fear; Action Mike will save the day.