August 21, 2003

I Got the Floor, Bitch!

That's right. My floor.

In other news, I came up with a diet that was almost as good as Bill's diet. I'm too lazy to scroll through all his shit, so I'll just send you over there and you can find the diet entry if you want to. Anyway, the diet.

All you have to do to lose weight on my diet is eat at Red Lobster. That's all. I ate there last night with my girlfriend, and in the words of Paul, I have had the running shits ever since. I weighed myself yesterday, and I weighed a cool 193 lbs. Then I ate at Red Lobster, and I weighed myself this morning. I'm down to 187 lbs.
"Is that even possible?" I asked myself. Then my stomach made a weird noise and another pound and a half of brown water fell out. So yeah, I think it's possible. 6 lbs in less than 24 hours, and all you have to do is eat some low grade seafood. And to think, people pay hundreds of dollars for colonics and bowel cleansings, and I got mine for $14.95.

In still other news, that was really gross.

Posted by John at August 21, 2003 12:25 PM

dude, you fuckin crack me up, you're so rancid.

Posted by: annika at August 21, 2003 12:37 PM

hmm...turns a "see-food" diet, into a "saw-food" diet with sea food. this kid is good!

Posted by: jim at August 21, 2003 01:05 PM

You're writing is really getting good. This sentence in particular:

"Then my stomach made a weird noise and another pound and a half of brown water fell out."

That's eloquence my friend. It's perfect. You're fucking going places.

Posted by: Paul at August 21, 2003 01:36 PM

Posted by: JokerBean at November 9, 2005 03:57 PM
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